Aagh! First it was those merde-eating Belgie bastards planning to liquefy their dead. Now it’s This!!!
SOYLENT GREEN crackers?!?!? Where’s my fucking cut? Oh, yeah…I don’t get one.
“We couldn’t include people among the ingredients,” said (Parallax Corporation President David) Garth, “because that’s strictly illegal. At least that’s our official position.”
Okay, David. I’ll give you credit for a good line…and the hands on the box, the hands are a nice touch…and the “people food” tag…shit.
Well If I had a whole graphic design and marketing department, I could…I could…but I’m one lone voice, raging against…what day is it? Raging against…Monday! What’s even worse is I found out about this sacrilege at Tim Blair’s, and he’s in fucking Oz, for Christ’s sake.
And adding a final insult to this injury, Parallax is based in San Francisco. And I’m pretty sure the crackers aren’t going to replace the San Francisco treat. 
Shit, well I guess the only thing to do is crack some tubes and grab a Sheila.
UPDATE: Some of the comments at Tim’s are worth a look…
Soylent Green is manufactured and distributed by a subsidiary of Paco Enterprises (Progressive Alternative Comestibles Online), and I want to emphasize that they are made from people who were going to die anyway.
We’re all about ethics.
JB replied to Paco
Mon 29 Aug 11 (07:00am)You’re all heart Paco.
But is it gluten free, low carbohydrate, non-dairy, no sugar, additive free, high fibre, non fattening, organic and Fair Trade?
And who pays the Carbon Tax? Paco Enterprises, the deceased, or the consumer?
Oh, silly question.
MiltonG replied to Paco
Mon 29 Aug 11 (07:52am)I would suggest leaving a gold filling in every 10,000th box. You need modern marketing techniques as well as ethics to build a sound business.
Griffin replied to Paco
Mon 29 Aug 11 (09:47am)Um, we’re ALL going to die anyway.
JeffS replied to Paco
Mon 29 Aug 11 (10:32am)I’d feel better if Soylent Green were made from environmentalists, Paco. That way, they’re green to the end. Maybe not as tasty as real people, though.
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That has to go into the sidebar….
Yeah…I suppose so…shit.
YAY!!
You know you wanted to do it
Fucking brilliant! Note the ‘Made with High Energy Plankton’ on the box. Damn, I really want to have a box of this next time one of my granola crunching vegan prog friends comes over for a party (Yeah, i have a couple, and they’re atheists too!).
JeffS FTW!!!
“Got crackers?”
“Here. Eat me.”
“Anyone here want a piece of me?” –SG
Too many potential slogans.
“Women Love The Salty Taste Of Soylent Green.”
“Soylent Green: Starts Out Hard, Softens In Your Mouth.”
“A Cracker And A Gentleman.”
“Swallow A Handful of Soylent Green.”
“Soylent Green Always Comes In A Compact Box.”
“Even Cougars Eat Soylent Green.”
You’re welcome.
Eat soylent green! It’s GREAT for the environment, and okay for you.
Is that sheila one of the available flavors? If so, I’ve got a new favorite treat.
Damn, you were inspired, Bunk. I like the “Eat Me” one best.
Yeah, LC. That was awesome. It should definitely be made from 100% Eco-tards…free range, of course. That way people can pay to hunt them too.
That would be great, Eric. I’d even take the one in the Fosters ad…the one on the right.
Given a choice I’d go with Sheila’s buns.